


Late Nights and Dark Tides

by ValkyriaRising



Series: Night City Never Sleeps [1]
Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Canonical Character Death, Contains spoilers for Act 1, Do NOT read if you haven’t finished Act 1, Drabble, Gen, Heed the tags please, Motorcycles, Night City (Cyberpunk 2077), Night city, Post-Act 1, Self-Destructive Tendencies, Self-Hatred, Self-Loathing, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal v, The Badlands, and neon lights
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:48:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28084185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValkyriaRising/pseuds/ValkyriaRising
Summary: V goes for a ride to try and clear her head.
Relationships: Female V & Jackie Welles
Series: Night City Never Sleeps [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2076108
Comments: 10
Kudos: 91





	Late Nights and Dark Tides

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! 
> 
> I’m deep in Cyberpunk hell and I had some unresolved feelings about a certain character whom I hold very dearly to my heart. No romantic feelings here—just pure friendship and pure self-loathing. 
> 
> **DO NOT read if you haven’t finished Act 1 OR if suicidal thoughts or borderline actions trigger you**
> 
> Warnings: Spoilers for the end of Act 1/beginning of Act 2, suicidal tendencies, suicidal thoughts, V blames herself, Johnny is only _kind of_ a dick, neon lights are blinding 
> 
> PLEASE heed the tags. You’ve been warned. 
> 
> -Valk

The wind whipped her face so hard it brushed her tears away. 

Every time V cruised these highways she thought about him. She would take to the roads when she couldn’t sleep at night expecting to find some kind of comfort in the night’s chilly embrace with the asphalt flying under her, but in reality it did little to assuage her emotional turmoil. 

V could feel the lump rising in her throat. It happened every time she sat in that seat—his seat. She hadn’t even changed the radio station. She couldn’t bring herself to do it. 

Johnny always asked why she didn’t just leave the bike in a garage somewhere if it hurt her so badly to ride it. V always told him that she was already losing herself to his engram—the last thing she wanted to lose was her memories of him. 

She had stared into Jackie’s dying eyes as he bled out onto Delamain’s leather seats. Her hands had been shaking when she had taken the biochip from him, begging her best friend not to go—not to die because they had finally made it to the big leagues like he had always wanted. 

Truly, that wasn’t what she had cared about in that moment. Her best choomba had faded right before her eyes and there was just so much fucking blood that it stained her vision red. She remembered being scared trying to figure out what she would do without him—what she would tell his mother and how she would explain to Mama Welles that she had just lost her last remaining son. 

V swept past cars—the engine of Jackie’s bike roaring under her. She hit 120–130–140–topping out at 170 and taking curbs too sharp for her own good, the sides of her boots scraping the asphalt underneath as she leaned into the motion. People had always warned her that her recklessness would be her end, but her old life had ended when Jackie had passed—her heart had been torn out of her chest and she knew she was being dramatic, but wha—

Breathe, V. 

V bit her lower lip hard enough to draw blood, unable to stop more tears from blurring her vision, but it stopped a sob from escaping her lips. She was gripping the handlebars tight enough to turn her knuckles white, and her breath caught in her throat when she passed a bit too close to another car, making her swerve haphazardly before she managed to get the bike under control. The music was loud in her ears and she couldn’t get her thoughts together. 

Finally, she pulled over on a nearby bridge, practically slumping back in the seat and sloppily wiping stray tears off of her face. Still, more sobs tore their way out of her throat, and all she could do was whisper his name under her breath and apologize. 

“God—f-fuck Jackie I-I can’t do this—do this without y-you,” V cried, trailing her hand across the dashboard before reaching up to clutch the necklace Misty had given her. 

God how she wished she had stayed dead—then she wouldn’t have to live without him—wouldn’t blame herself for not doing enough to try and save him. She pushed herself out of the seat—possessed now by a rage unmatched by anything she had felt before. 

She pushed herself up onto the side of the bridge and gazed out over the city—the stupid fucking city—that had taken everything from her. She hated it so goddamn much, but she still couldn’t bring herself to leave. V wasn’t sure why—maybe because part of Jackie still remained here—or maybe because she was a glutton for the pain it always inflicted on her. Or did she inflict it on herself? 

She could end it—let herself lean forward with her eyes closed—and end it. The neon lights would stop being so bright they made her head hurt. The pain tearing at her heart every time she sat on Jackie’s bike would finally stop hurting. She had to come to terms with dying anyway—she would soon lose herself completely. 

“Whoa V—easy.” 

At least his voice didn’t make her jump anymore. It was rare that Johnny’s voice took a gentle tone, and she detected what she thought was a hint of concern underneath his otherwise hardass exterior. 

“This is your fault, ya know,” V whispered, a familiar numbness starting to consume her consciousness. She felt empty—her life was empty. “You brought me back.” 

“My fault? I go wherever the biochip goes—it just happened to end up in your fucked up head.” There he was—the Johnny she was used to. 

“It’s funny—I fucking hated you a few weeks ago, but now…” She trailed off for a moment, watching absentmindedly as people strolled around the docks below before gathering her thoughts again. “Yet, every time you go quiet I feel like I’m missing part of myself—worry you won’t come back even though you’re a pain in my ass.” 

Johnny was leaning against the concrete barrier she was standing on facing the other way, his legs crossed at the ankles and a cigarette poised between his fingers. He took a long drag before looking up at her, his expression hard to make out in the neon darkness.

“Didn’t take you for one with attachment issues.” 

He was deflecting, of course, when wasn’t he? 

“Just used to having you here s’all,” V replied quietly, looking down at the dark waters lapping below her feet—100 meters down. It made her dizzy, but she felt little fear—she was numb. 

“Kid—V—!,” Johnny reached for her and she felt him take her hand, the alarm in his voice discernable. “Making me nervous over here.” 

V looked down at him for a moment, regarding him gently before hopping down off the barrier, leaning on the concrete and letting out a long breath. 

“I know how you feel—how badly it hurts because I’m in your head. He wouldn’t want this for you.” 

She felt rage rise in her again and she jerked her hand out of his grip. 

“You didn’t even know him!” There was no real acid behind her words—just pure remorse and Johnny didn’t fault her for her tone. 

“I didn’t—no. But I’ve seen your memories and I know how you feel about him—know enough to make an educated guess.” His words were measured. 

V clenched her jaw, her brow furrowing as she gazed at the rockstar—trying to decide if she wanted to hug him or strangle him. 

“Hit the highways, V—ride until you run out of road and keep going—find some empty piece of desert and scream into the fucking sky until you feel better,” Johnny whispered, moving to lean against Jackie’s bike now, arms crossed across his armor-clad chest. “But don’t do this. Don’t torture yourself. It makes me feel bad for you and that’s… pathetic.” 

Truly comforting words from Johnny Silverhand, and V couldn’t stop a smile from breaking out on her face. 

“And you said I’m the one with attachment issues.”

“I go where you go, samurai.”

The next time she looked over he had disappeared, but she was strangely calm now. Anyone looking from the outside in would think she was batshit talking to herself while standing on the ledge of a bridge. Once she was seated on Jackie’s Arch again, she decided to take Johnny’s advice. 

She found her way to the very end of the highway, letting the road soar under her and letting the cool desert breeze whip her hair. V found her way out across the Badlands, thinking maybe she should give Panam a visit before deciding she needed to grieve alone. She looked over Night City again as she sat on a quiet ridge just outside of city limits, leaning forward over the handlebars—the ache in her heart coming and going with the flash of the neon lights. 

V knew she could never leave them behind, even if the city was the death of her. She decided that until then—even if she lost herself to Johnny—lost her mind and became a shell of who she was now, she’d live to keep Jackie’s memory alive for as long as she could, no matter how badly it hurt. 

He was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is always welcome ❤️ Jackie’s death fucked me up BIG time even though I knew it was coming and I just had to write about it to get those feelings out of my system. I loved his character so much and I really wish we got to have him around for the rest of the game. Also apologies if this was rough—it has yet to be beta-ed. I’ll make edits soon! I hope everyone enjoyed!
> 
> -Valk


End file.
